the saddest day of my life pt ii

Patrick posted this on the messageboard:

dear all...
I should never have read this.. I really shouldn't.
I dont think when I was 16 and dreamt of releasing records there would ever be so much crazy speculation about the person I am and that you want me to be. I have become so tired of this behaviour, sometimes I wake up and have to do six hours of interviews before doing a show, then go straight to bed to sleep a couple of hours to fly to a new country to be cross examined in the same way.. I dont know what is left of me sometimes, some mornings i dont know how i get on the flight or even open my mouth to sing that night. If I choose after working since the early hours of a day and then pouring my heart out for an hour and a half that I really have nothing left to give.. that I cannot be a fake politician and sign autographs for an hour.. does this make an asshole?
because my drummer was causing arguments within my road family, taking sedative drugs before an important show in a city i really love, so much so he could not play the music I wrote, the songs that I have survived on in the last six years... because I had to slap him to see if he was even CONSCIOUS on stage.... the fact that the only thing that got any reaction out his corpse happened to be made of metal.. because all of this.. does this make me seem like I was on cocaine, or on some power trip? I was pissed off because this was just one more musician or businessman taking my good nature and generosity for a ride... trust me, that moment onstage was the end of a long line of bad behaviour that it would unfair to go into in public. Yes I was drunk, but It was one oclock in the morning after seven hours of interviews.. i had been running on about four hours of sleep a night for about two weeks... such is the joy of promoting a record. Anyway, I was having FUN until that moment. So was the rest of my band until we realised my drummer was taking the piss out of all of us and our hard work. I dont work with liars and I dont work with thieves.

I dont want to have to share this information with you but so many seem so interested...

I have made a decision, my final concert will be this november, a retrospective with an orchestra in London. I am not sure wether there will be anymore public communications after that, Infact I am pretty sure there will be none. Of course, this has nothing to do with my drummer.. but a creative clock is ticking and I have many many projects to be creating with my time left on this earth. I hope to share my last shows with you this year.

I have enjoyed making and performing music for you all, I have enjoyed trying to give a little hope
and inspiration to the world. But I feel, especially when I read all this and I go about my days that I have failed.
Im not seeking sympathy or empathy, god, I have to go find something I love and am inspired by in this world again. Many of you will never know the amount of work and emotion that goes on behind the scenes for me and many of your other favourite artists or musicians and why should you? I wanted to give you disneyland.. I wanted to give you a world at the back of your wardrobe, now im just feel a fool for bothering.
I am in berlin today, i know I should never have read this, I dont know who any of you are, just strangers talking amongst themselves,
and I wish I was stronger minded today, but i have to take enough bullshit from other parts of the world for what I do and who I am without getting it from here.

Im going off for a walk now.. clear my heart and head. Thanks to all you with the intelligence to see past the superficial chaos of the media and the various ridiculous personalities and characters that have been painted around me over the years, the problem is, unfortunately many of you will never get to know the truth, but many will still speculate, and play chinese whispers with interviews and
opinions from the friend of a friend. This is nothing new to me, unfortunately, luckily I have always had a close set of dear friends that will always know me for who I really am, just as I do.

If I can give any advice, is, if anything, just listen to the music, watch the videos, read the lyrics, see the artwork, these are my communications, not others.

still love x patrick